• Two for the Price of One
    Join us for 3rd Thurs With CHUM on June 18st at the usual time of 7:30 pm CT at Jake's Sports Bar or Zoom. We will be joined by Jenny Stock from NOAA's Greater Farallones and Cordell Bank National Marine Sanctuaries! More details at this link.
  • 2nd Sunday w/ CHUM
    Join us for 2nd Sunday with CHUM on June 14th at 10:00am CT on Bowling Beach at Blue Lagoon! More details at this link.
  • CHUM stickers are here! Put one on your scuba tank, your gear box, your car, your forehead. See a club officer to get yours.
  • Become a full fledged CHUM member by paying only $35/year to become a Tiger Shark, pay for trips or even pick up an extra CHUM T-shirt or CHUM patch here: CHUM Payments.
  • For CHUM's list of greater Houston area dive shops, dive sites, and dive charter operators see this link.
  • CHUM - Houston's SCUBA Club is the sponsor of the Texas SCUBA Diver license plate. Get yours at MyPlates.com!
  • Stream2Sea! Great products that are good for humans and the reef. Use the affiliate link below or check out with coupon code “chumrocks” and get 10% off your purchase. Click this CHUM affiliate link to order your products.
  • Follow CHUM on these platforms to keep up with what the club has going on Facebook, Instagram, Scubaboard, and YouTube.

    And for Texas Dive Plates: TDP Facebook and TDP Instagram.

  • Questions, suggestions, want to lead a CHUM trip or learn about the CHUM officers? Contact us: Your CHUM Board of Directors.

Hump Day Humor

Heidi Ho

Heidi Ho

CHUM Fan
First Name
Holly
Four Monks are being chased by a hungry lion. As they run, they cry out to God yelling, "PLEASE LORD! CONVERT THIS LION TO A CHRISTIAN LION!"
They run until they reach a dead end and as the lion slowly approaches, they cry out louder.
"PLEASE LORD HEAR OUR PRAYERS AND CONVERT HIM!"

The lion stops walking and the monks praise God.
The lion kneels down, puts his paws together and says:
"Bless us, O Lord, and these, thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty, Amen."
 
Heidi Ho

Heidi Ho

CHUM Fan
First Name
Holly
A woman walks into a bar.
The bartender asks her, "What would you like?"
The woman says "I'd like a double entendre."
So the bartender gave it to her.
 
Heidi Ho

Heidi Ho

CHUM Fan
First Name
Holly
A shark is teaching his children how to eat humans and he says "look son, first you swim full force at the human but at the last second, you turn away. Then you swim at him full force again, but again at the last second you swim away. Then you can go back and eat the human."

The son looks confused and asks, "But dad, why can't we just go eat the human the first time?"

Dad replies "Well, you can but why would you want to eat him when he's still full of shit?"
 
Heidi Ho

Heidi Ho

CHUM Fan
First Name
Holly
A 70 year old woman was standing next to the railing on a cruise ship and was using both her hands to hold her hat onto her head so it wouldn't blow away.
A gentleman approached the lady and said "Ma'am, I am sorry to bother you but the wind is blowing your dress up".
The lady replied "Sir, if I take my hands off of my hat it will blow away". "I understand ma'am but you aren't wearing any panties" replied the gentleman.
The lady looked down then back up at the gentleman and said, "Sir, anything you see down there is 70 years old. I bought this hat yesterday"
 
Heidi Ho

Heidi Ho

CHUM Fan
First Name
Holly
I know people are bothered by mosquitos so here's a neat little trap you can easily set out.

The mosquito lands on the salt, thinking it's sugar and gets thirsty. It goes for cap, which it thinks is filled with water but is really filled with rum so it gets drunk on the rum, trips on the stick and bangs its head on the rock.

P.jpeg
 
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Heidi Ho

Heidi Ho

CHUM Fan
First Name
Holly
I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross country adventure so I headed to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.

The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not.
 
Heidi Ho

Heidi Ho

CHUM Fan
First Name
Holly
A hunter kills and eats a bald eagle, and is arrested for violating the Endangered Species Act. He pleads guilty, and throws himself on the mercy of the court.

"Your Honor," the hunter said, "I had no idea that it was illegal to kill and eat a bald eagle. If you let me go, I'll never do it again."

"You've committed a very serious crime," the judge replies. "But you clearly weren't aware of the law, so I'm willing to overlook it this one time. However, before I let you go, I'm going to ask you to do one thing."

"Anything, Your Honor," the hunter replies. "What is it?"

The judge says, "It's been illegal to kill a protected species for many years, so very few people have ever eaten a bald eagle. For the record, can you please tell everyone what a bald eagle tastes like?"

The hunter thinks for a moment and then replies, "It tastes pretty good. Kind of like a cross between a spotted owl and a condor."
 
Heidi Ho

Heidi Ho

CHUM Fan
First Name
Holly
OK - I was sick all day yesterday so I watched a Jerry Lewis movie to keep my mind off my headache....he said this joke in the movie and I thought it was pretty funny so here goes.....

My doctor called me a psychoceramic; I asked him what that means and he said I was a crackpot.
 
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