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Two for the Price of One
Join us for 3rd Thurs With CHUM on June 18st at the usual time of 7:30 pm CT at Jake's Sports Bar or Zoom. We will be joined by Jenny Stock from NOAA's Greater Farallones and Cordell Bank National Marine Sanctuaries! More details at this link. -
2nd Sunday w/ CHUM
Join us for 2nd Sunday with CHUM on June 14th at 10:00am CT on Bowling Beach at Blue Lagoon! More details at this link. -
CHUM stickers are here! Put one on your scuba tank, your gear box, your car, your forehead. See a club officer to get yours.
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Become a full fledged CHUM member by paying only $35/year to become a Tiger Shark, pay for trips or even pick up an extra CHUM T-shirt or CHUM patch here: CHUM Payments.
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For CHUM's list of greater Houston area dive shops, dive sites, and dive charter operators see this link.
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CHUM - Houston's SCUBA Club is the sponsor of the Texas SCUBA Diver license plate. Get yours at MyPlates.com!
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Stream2Sea! Great products that are good for humans and the reef. Use the affiliate link below or check out with coupon code “chumrocks” and get 10% off your purchase. Click this CHUM affiliate link to order your products.
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Follow CHUM on these platforms to keep up with what the club has going on Facebook, Instagram, Scubaboard, and YouTube.
And for Texas Dive Plates: TDP Facebook and TDP Instagram.
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Questions, suggestions, want to lead a CHUM trip or learn about the CHUM officers? Contact us: Your CHUM Board of Directors.
Hump Day Humor
- Thread starter Captain HardHead
- Start date
DiverGent
Tiger Shark
- First Name
- Gary
As I was reading the setup, I kept thinking about this guy I worked with for 20+ years that would tell jokes with agonizingly long setups followed by a sometimes mildly amusing punch line. If he had kept the setup fairly short, the punch line may have been worth it. But the way he told them, all you could do was groan by the time he finished.
So, do I think the joke was funny? No, no I do not.
Did I laugh? Yes, OUT LOUD.
I don't know why but that punch line (which, I'm pretty sure is older than anyone in the club) just hit the right spot at the right time for me.
So, do I think the joke was funny? No, no I do not.
Did I laugh? Yes, OUT LOUD.
I don't know why but that punch line (which, I'm pretty sure is older than anyone in the club) just hit the right spot at the right time for me.
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
Exactly my response when I read it. Plus, I'm a sucker for a joke where anything walks into a bar.
Can't wait to see what I'll come up with next week!
- First Name
- Ken
Keep them coming, good sir!
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
A new doctor is being shown around a Scottish hospital. As they enter one ward, the nearest patient turns to him and says "Fair fa' your honest sonsie face, great chieftain o' the pudden race!"
Before the doctor can react, the patient in the next bed adds "Wee sleekit cowerin' timorous beastie! O what a panic's in thy breastie!"
And not to be outdone, the third patient responds "Some ha' meat and cannae eat, and some wad eat that want it!"
The doctor murmurs to the orderly "So this is the mental health ward?"
"Och no!" replies the orderly.
"...it's the Burns Unit!"
Before the doctor can react, the patient in the next bed adds "Wee sleekit cowerin' timorous beastie! O what a panic's in thy breastie!"
And not to be outdone, the third patient responds "Some ha' meat and cannae eat, and some wad eat that want it!"
The doctor murmurs to the orderly "So this is the mental health ward?"
"Och no!" replies the orderly.
"...it's the Burns Unit!"
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
A woman on the bus next to me this morning was sneezing about every 3 minutes. Each time she sneezed, her eyes rolled back, she gave a moan and shuddered.
Curiosity got the better of me after about 15 minutes so I asked her if she was alright. She said yes and then explained she had a very rare condition whereby every time she sneezed, she had an orgasm.
I asked her if she was taking anything for it and she replied "yes, pepper".
Curiosity got the better of me after about 15 minutes so I asked her if she was alright. She said yes and then explained she had a very rare condition whereby every time she sneezed, she had an orgasm.
I asked her if she was taking anything for it and she replied "yes, pepper".
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
Clark Kent was lying on his death bed with his wife Lois Lane beside him.
After some time, Lois said “Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I’ve regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.”
“You don’t need to worry about that because,” Clark said as he took off his glasses, “I am Superman! Even if you didn’t know it was me, in my eyes you were always faithful.”
“Oh thank God!” said Lois. “ I can’t tell you what a weight that is off my chest.”
“Glad we cleared that up,” said Clark.
“So I guess this means you were Batman too.”
After some time, Lois said “Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I’ve regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.”
“You don’t need to worry about that because,” Clark said as he took off his glasses, “I am Superman! Even if you didn’t know it was me, in my eyes you were always faithful.”
“Oh thank God!” said Lois. “ I can’t tell you what a weight that is off my chest.”
“Glad we cleared that up,” said Clark.
“So I guess this means you were Batman too.”