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Two for the Price of One
Join us for 3rd Thurs With CHUM on June 18st at the usual time of 7:30 pm CT at Jake's Sports Bar or Zoom. We will be joined by Jenny Stock from NOAA's Greater Farallones and Cordell Bank National Marine Sanctuaries! More details at this link. -
2nd Sunday w/ CHUM
Join us for 2nd Sunday with CHUM on June 14th at 10:00am CT on Bowling Beach at Blue Lagoon! More details at this link. -
CHUM stickers are here! Put one on your scuba tank, your gear box, your car, your forehead. See a club officer to get yours.
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Become a full fledged CHUM member by paying only $35/year to become a Tiger Shark, pay for trips or even pick up an extra CHUM T-shirt or CHUM patch here: CHUM Payments.
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For CHUM's list of greater Houston area dive shops, dive sites, and dive charter operators see this link.
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CHUM - Houston's SCUBA Club is the sponsor of the Texas SCUBA Diver license plate. Get yours at MyPlates.com!
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Stream2Sea! Great products that are good for humans and the reef. Use the affiliate link below or check out with coupon code “chumrocks” and get 10% off your purchase. Click this CHUM affiliate link to order your products.
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Follow CHUM on these platforms to keep up with what the club has going on Facebook, Instagram, Scubaboard, and YouTube.
And for Texas Dive Plates: TDP Facebook and TDP Instagram.
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Questions, suggestions, want to lead a CHUM trip or learn about the CHUM officers? Contact us: Your CHUM Board of Directors.
Hump Day Humor
- Thread starter Captain HardHead
- Start date
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
A husband and wife want to join the Catholic church. They meet with the parish priest to talk about conversion and the priest lays out some expectations.
"In order to join the Church," the priest says, "you must prove your dedication to the Lord by remaining celibate for the next 30 days."
"Well," says the man, "that sounds like a difficult challenge, but it will be worth it to be part of this Church." The couple thanks the priest and heads home.
A month later, they're back at the parish to meet with the priest.
"Well," he asks, "how did it go?"
"I'll be honest, father," the man answers solemnly. "We almost made it. 29 days in. Then my wife dropped the lettuce, bent over to pick it up, and it was all over."
"Well," scolds the priest, "rules are rules. You won't be welcome in the Church."
"That's ok," says the man. "We can't go back to Kroger anymore either."
"In order to join the Church," the priest says, "you must prove your dedication to the Lord by remaining celibate for the next 30 days."
"Well," says the man, "that sounds like a difficult challenge, but it will be worth it to be part of this Church." The couple thanks the priest and heads home.
A month later, they're back at the parish to meet with the priest.
"Well," he asks, "how did it go?"
"I'll be honest, father," the man answers solemnly. "We almost made it. 29 days in. Then my wife dropped the lettuce, bent over to pick it up, and it was all over."
"Well," scolds the priest, "rules are rules. You won't be welcome in the Church."
"That's ok," says the man. "We can't go back to Kroger anymore either."
Last edited:
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
An old blind man walks into a bar and orders a beer
The bartender asks “Have you been blind long?” He replies, “I’ve been blind for 50 years, but my hearing is perfect. I’ll bet I can tell you what’s happening in any room in this bar.” The bartender says “Go ahead and try.” The old man cups a hand round his ear and tilts his head to the ceiling. “In your upstairs bathroom, the one at the end of the corridor… a tap’s been left on.” The bartender sends his nephew to check, who returns and confirms the findings.
“Could’ve been luck,” says the bartender, “Go on, try again…” The old man cups his ear, tilts his head to the floor and listens. “I hear scurrying in your cellar,” he says, “You have rats.” “That’s bullshit,” says the bartender, and sends his nephew to check. He returns and the old man is right, again.
Now intrigued, the bartender urges him to try again. He cups a hand round his ear and listens toward the bar. “In the storeroom down that corridor, someone’s having sex now”. The nephew checks the storeroom, and two of the staff screwing.
“Jeez old man, you truly are incredible,” says the bartender, “what else can you hear?” The blind man places his head on the bar. He raises off the bar and says, “Your beer pump is broken”. The bartender checks the pump… “Ha! You’re wrong old man. It’s working perfectly!” “Then where’s my f*cking beer?”
The bartender asks “Have you been blind long?” He replies, “I’ve been blind for 50 years, but my hearing is perfect. I’ll bet I can tell you what’s happening in any room in this bar.” The bartender says “Go ahead and try.” The old man cups a hand round his ear and tilts his head to the ceiling. “In your upstairs bathroom, the one at the end of the corridor… a tap’s been left on.” The bartender sends his nephew to check, who returns and confirms the findings.
“Could’ve been luck,” says the bartender, “Go on, try again…” The old man cups his ear, tilts his head to the floor and listens. “I hear scurrying in your cellar,” he says, “You have rats.” “That’s bullshit,” says the bartender, and sends his nephew to check. He returns and the old man is right, again.
Now intrigued, the bartender urges him to try again. He cups a hand round his ear and listens toward the bar. “In the storeroom down that corridor, someone’s having sex now”. The nephew checks the storeroom, and two of the staff screwing.
“Jeez old man, you truly are incredible,” says the bartender, “what else can you hear?” The blind man places his head on the bar. He raises off the bar and says, “Your beer pump is broken”. The bartender checks the pump… “Ha! You’re wrong old man. It’s working perfectly!” “Then where’s my f*cking beer?”
- First Name
- Ken